Pucci is a Pregnant Bitch!

Ugh.

I’m so convinced I have the flu now. I’ve hardly been able to keep any spinach and salmon down and my complexion is looking like crap. Just this morning I told Dr. B. to pick me up some colon cleanse. I gotta clear out my system from whatever toxic crap got into me.

Speaking of which, I am pretty sure now that Pucci was raped. And that she is pregnant. And we don’t even know which one of that Lab gang is the dad! Poor little Pucci. She’s gonna get all fat and ugly now. How will she even fit in her Prada bag when she’s carrying a litter of bastard labs in her tummy?

I’ve just been feeling so awful that I have not had a chance to take her to the vet. But a girl can tell when someone is pregnant. I can just see the way her fur is glowing. She’s a little nippier than usual too. Which is perfectly understandable given her hormones. Yesterday I called the mobile groomer to come over and give her a mani pedi and she bit Pedro the stylist so hard he refused to glue the rhinestones on her toenails. Naughty puppy!

I’m also sure she is so preggo because I made Lupita go out for some pregnancy tests at the drugstore and take them with her when she walked Pucci, so she could hold it under Pucci’s pee stream. Except Pucci was not so cooperative. Finally she got desperate and had to dunk it in the puddle Pucci left in the foyer (again - naughty bitch, right?!). At first it did not show anything but I thought it might need a little people pee to activate it.

I know this is super gross but I just love my Pucci so much and I am so worried about her so I decided to pee on the stick myself to see if that would give us an answer. And guess what?!! After I peed on it, a faint line appeared so I am pretty sure this means my poor beautiful purebred dog has been violated. We’re having puppies!

Tagged as: Bitch, Pregnant, Pucci