Pageant Time! Get Out Your Bedazzler!

I can’t believe it’s almost Pageant Time for Amberleigh and we still have not settled on her talent performance!! I was thinking lip syncing, but we just can’t decide on a song. Nothing seems right. And the other Pageant Moms (PMs) are no help at all. I can’t trust them. They’d love to see A. fall flat on her face!

Not that I blame them, poor dears. I mean, it’s only natural right? They want their daughters to have the thing they never had (ie looks, money, waists). It’s the opposite for me and Amberleigh. She’ll never (pre surgery) be as gorgeous as me, so we’ve got nothing to prove. That’s why we’re gonna win. 

Even though the other PMs are all total heffers and buy all their clothes at Walmart Kohls the Swap Meet, I forced myself to make friends with a couple of them. I heard these two are pretty tight with the judges and once they get bedazzle-ing and talking and the diet shasta is flowing, they’ve been known to let good info leak. I hope they tell me which judges are straight soon because frankly, it’s a pain in my ass listening to them always complaining about money, the economy, and their cheating husbands. Note to self: Maybe one of their husbands knows which Judges are/aren’t gay?

They may not be good at sticking to a workout routine, or hot in their Daisy Fuentes Denim, but I have to admit, those PMs are fierce with their bedazzlers.  Phones, clothes, each other’s nails… I’d let them do mine if they were using real Swarovski. Sadly, I can spot a Korean crystal a mile away.

But - Korean crystals are fine for throwaway items. And I was chatting with them before the holidays about the new baby (they seriously could not even believe I was preggo), and I gave them this awesome idea for a new biz! 

So GUESS WHAT?! The PMs are bedazzling ten cases of diapers for my new little baby. Sooooo cute! Can you imagine how hot her little a** is gonna look in a diaper with “Don’t you wish your baby was hot like me” bling?!

Tagged as: Bedazzler, Diapers, pageant, queen b