I’ve been having second thoughts about this baby. First of all, I’m disappointed that she is all alone in there. It’s sooo embarressing. Like I’m some kind of low class baby mama. All the other Doctor’s wives have fertility treatments up the wazoo and get to pick their embryos for implantation like they pick their designer denim. Nothing but the best sperm/egg combo, pre-selected for gender and eye color and IQ and stuff. It’s embaressing how super fertile I still am after all those years of making myself puke. I wasn’t supposed to just get knocked up by a rogue sperm. I was supposed to complain bitterly about how hard it was for me because of the anorexia/bulemia endometriosis and then emerge victorious with my perfect twin pregnancy. But no. I got random fetus growing in there. Who even knows if I got the one with the cute genes? What if I have another ugly one, like Amberleigh? OMG! I can’t have TWO ugly daughters! That’s like something that happens to poor people. In places like Nebraska.
Have you ever noticed that when you have a pair of something it’s so way adorable, even if one alone would be fugly? Like little matching doggies. One snorty pug is a gag. Two matching pugs in tutus with clip on bling earrings? Beyond cute! Everything is cuter in pairs. Double strollers, matching onesies, double D’s! It also sends the right message to the public when rich people have fertility twins. It says, money is no object to me. Normal people can’t afford one kid these days, but I can easily swing two and still get my nails done. Or 8, in the case of Octuplet mom, my new BFF (did you SEE her nails in her interview? I am so proud of her taking the time to get her gels done!) but I don’t think I want to go there. There’s something too unsexy about a litter, right? Two is my upper limit. Even if I’m faking it.
I don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner. Think how much cuter Amberleigh would seem if she’d had a little same age sister to dress up identically with?!
You know what finally convinced me to do this? Angelina. Angelina clearly had a backup plan. She adopted that little African baby when she found out she was knocked up pregnant with Brad’s baby. That Angelina is such a SMART lady. Even with her and Brad’s superior gene pool she was not taking any chances. All her kids now come in matched sets which is one of the reasons I have decided, so will my new babies!
So I’ve called my lawyer and we’re putting some ads in the paper. I’m really not worried. We have till July. How hard can it be to buy a baby before then? It’s just a matter of weeding out the ugly ones.
OMG people! Just think of the fun I will have dressing up my two matching baby girls!!!
Want to know the best part? I can get even extra super fake fatter and tell everyone it’s cause of the TWINS! And then when I lose the weight overnight, it will be even more impressive. Genious!
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Jamie 02.10.09 at 10:38 am
Oh, I do not know about this plan. Do you really want someone else’s gene pools invading your superior ones?
It’s like hanging out with people who don’t wax. Pretty soon, even you will think it’s cool to be “natural”.
Mae 02.10.09 at 12:14 pm
The wait to adopt internationally has grown to 4 plus years in certain countries or outright banned in others. If you got bumped to the front of the line or allowed to adopt where every day people cannot, it would certainly be the ultimate symbol of your importance and influence. You’d be showing you have pull in TWO countries. Impressive!
Queen B 02.11.09 at 12:01 am
OMG Mae you are like such a genious. I like the way you think. So tell me, which kinds of babies are the hardest to get. Because I am not at all prejudiced against black, brown or yellow babies as long as they are incredibly gorgeous. We can always get them colored contacts and dye their hair blond, right?!
I wonder if any of those countries have a two for one kind of deal because I could also adopt a playmate for Amberleigh. As long as her sister understood about Amberleigh always going first, I think it would be a good experience for her and she could use some company. She doesn’t seem to have a talent for making friends. I figure if we adopt one for her, the kid would sort of be obligated to be her buddy, right?
What do you think? Money is really no object. Obviously. And also, I prayed on this and I believe that J. gave me a sign because I dozed off and when I awoke, Lara Croft was on.