I had so much fun and learned a ton in Houston last weekend! Thank Goodness the organizers had the good sense to book the Four Seasons and throw some awesome afterhours parties. They got a hot singer at the Mardi Gras Party and I was way impressed with how Alphamom’s Isabel, Suburban Toil’s Lindsay and Yvonne from Joy Unexpected threw this Cheeseburger Party and actually chowed down on the burgers. How these three hotties eat fast food and maintain their peak hawteness is the real secret of Mom 2.0 if you ask me.
I was also especially psyched to meet the Blogess who showed up in a way cute dress and guess what? Her hair totally matched mine! How awesome is that!? Anyone else and I’d have been way pissed, but she’s cool to be my twinner. It was a very brunette crowd so we were both hard to miss. Even though some of the brown haired chicks started throwing vibrators to attract some attention. Really.
Some of the other mom bloggers were there with their kids and no nanny. I seriously don’t know how they did it except that it involved a lot of titty. No wonder these gals are so popular. Their kids are so calm it’s like they got Jack Daniels flowing on one side and human juice on the other. If that’s not Cool Mom Picks, I don’t know what is! All those breastfeeding mommas almost made me feel bad that I can’t feed my fauxtiples human juice due to the boob jobs cosmetic perfection of my mammaries. Also, meeting Janice and Susan from 5 Minutes For Mom really cemented my resolve to pick up an extra kid so my new baby can have a twin and be special. Everyone who can afford it, really should really consider having a twin I think. It’s just one more reason why fertility is so popular right now if you ask me.
Speaking of fertile, I met Julie from Mabel’s Labels and TOTALLY sympathized with her trauma of how other moms sometimes hate her for always staying skinny and losing her baby weight and retaining her hawteness. She is so cute, even preggers with #6! There was a suprising amount of support for each other at this convention - which is not something I am entirely used to in my world. Also on the topic of girly support: Vibrators were not the only airborne instruments at this conference. Nursing bras were flung at hot young men, my friends. Just ask HerBadMother. She also got a tattoo in Houston, but it was all in Latin and stuff and I don’t speak Spanish so I have no clue what it said.
Right. So. I learned so much! Starting with:
Bitches was made for SHOPPING! Seriously, we way outspend the dudes. Ummm big surprise that, not! Also we girls are so psyched that now with the internets we can even shop on our ugly pms days and at 3 am when we wake up scared we are aging and need to buy something expensive from France with magical seaweed inside. Plus we can get instantaneous feedback on which handbag is hawte-er & stuff.
Which means it’s the job of us bloggy babes to get the companies that advertise stuff to give us lots & lots of stuff and piles of cash so we can make everyone jealous and get the girls that read our blogs to spend spend spend on the same stuff we have. Duh. This is like, my *life*. As a plastic surgeon’s wife this is what I do! Why wasn’t I on the panel?!
I think everyone knows by now that It’s cool with me if Neimans LV Gucci Chanel Prada South Coast Plaza Range Rover Porsche Juicy Couture someone with $$$ and a good brand name wants to spank me with cash paddles to talk about how much I love shopping for their stuff, just so all the wannabes will want it too. Just not at the Houston Neimans, it’s way suckville compared to South Coast.
After all this intensive learning I was too exhausted to even call Lupita just to check how my 4yo Amberleigh’s hair was growing back. I’m guessing it’s still not blond and that is just too upsetting for me. I’m having my stylist just dye her hair baby blond as soon as I get home, because it’s taking a toll on my health worrying about her brunetteness and that is not good for the pregnancy, or me.
The fauxtiples are really taking their toll on my self. I was so tired after the conference that I barely had the energy to shop from the skymall catalog on the way home. But I don’t like to come back from a trip without goodies for my pooch Pucci so I picked up one of these which I will have to get blinged out before I install it in my Range Rover. Also we will have to get rid of Amberleigh’s booster seat but I think it’s just fine since she’s getting so fat anyway, I’ll just let her ride in the front seat and pretend she’s my vertically challenged dogwalker.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Jerri Ann 02.24.09 at 11:42 am
Too awesome. I get caught up wanting to write the serious aspects when it is so much better to hear the same thoughts in a comical way…I’ve got lots to learn!
Isabel Kallman 03.02.09 at 2:32 pm
ooh, girl you are too hawt.